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Do you like spanking your partner during sex? What about the idea of being blindfolded and giving yourself completely to your partner? Do you know that what you enjoy is a little out of the ordinary? Then welcome to the fun world of BDSM. Delightful pain and inimitable emotional relief can become the ultimate erotic game.
Spanking your ass and the idea of giving yourself completely to your partner is a pleasurable experience for many people. The same goes for using pegs, and no, we don't mean clothespins. If you're getting close to fantasies that don't have to be 2x conventional, then welcome to the fun world of BDSM, where the only one who sets the boundaries is you.
What is BDSM?
However, for a better understanding of the terminology, let's first explain the abbreviation BDSM. No manual defines the specific boundaries of BDSM, but only what is pleasant for you and the person you are playing with. However, for a better understanding of the terminology, let's first explain the abbreviation BDSM.
BD - bondage and discipline
Bonding, submission to a partner, restriction of movement
DS - dominance and submissiveness
Parameters of a relationship where one sets the rules and the other follows them.
SM - sadism and masochism
Causing and receiving pain, physical punishment.
Communication is key
BDSM is rightly called the queen of intimate sexual practices. Sado maso punishments require complete trust and surrender. It offers the perfect endorphin rush, the outpouring of all emotions and magnificent orgasms. That is why communication is key.
Before your first red mark of spanking or hot wax is made, you both need to have a clear, and extremely exciting, idea of what is going to happen. BDSM torture will consume you. Plus, the world of BDSM toys and BDSM clothing is so naughty in itself!
Open and honest communication with your partner
Set boundaries. Where yes, where maybe, or with caution, where definitely not. What excites you about BDSM practices? In this thoroughly spicy exploration of the world of sadomasochistic sex, you can indulge in your youthful fantasies, what movie scenes excite you, what have you always wanted?
The body is wiser than the head in this, so you may think that playing nurse and patient excites you, but the opposite role takes you more, you like being the patient of your dominant man.
The phase of exploring your sexual dynamics, when you like to feel in the dominant role, when you want to submit to your partner, what is your pain threshold, how does pain mixed with pleasure affect both of you - all this can take some time. For the beginning of erotic play - would that work?
First steps for beginners
1. Step into BDSM: Am I a Pervert? … or How to Get Started with BDSM
The fact that you've read this far is the first step in admitting that you're interested in the topic. Communication in a relationship can be challenging, but it can also solve all your problems.
Recommended simple activities for beginners
Opening up about BDSM can be tricky and scary for many. If this topic is taboo for you in a relationship, start carefully. Light tying, gentle dominance or roleplay are ideal starting points. A blindfold is a proven first step, it excites the senses. All of this is well complemented by your first handcuffs…
Eye mask EasyToys Leather Eye Mask black
Every moment with the EasyToys Leather Eye Mask will be full of tension and the sensation of every touch will be multiplied several times.
To start your perverted journey, there is an acceptable spice that will start the discussion.
If you are just starting out, don't forget the safe word. This will prevent psychological or physical harm.
Traffic light colors are ideal. They don't spoil the atmosphere and can point you in the right direction. Green means that what your partner is doing is great and that you shouldn't stop. Orange means that you are no longer comfortable with the exercise, but you can still do it for a while. And red means that the game is over immediately.
Gradual increase in intensity
Your ideas are clear. Try it on something smaller...tying up, slapping a lovely ass with your hand. Does it work? Progress higher and further as you like. Tools...scolding, whips, handcuffs...
2. Step towards BDSM
What am I really like and how do I work with it in a relationship? There are many ways to define a BDSM relationship, and it's up to you which one you choose.
Do you only want to be active in bed? Do you want to have it 24/7? Have you found that you enjoy both positions and like to alternate between them? Would you just like to go to events together? Communicate!
3. Step towards BDSM
Discover what this world has to offer you!
Are you an extrovert? There is a huge community in the Czech Republic that organizes public and private events where you can meet new people and new practices.
Are you an introvert? BDSM is a spectrum where everyone can find something for themselves. Physical, psychotic or game combinations of both. The most common practices that you can commonly encounter, or even buy toys for.
BDSM Workshops, Tests and Community
Trainings and events… performances just for you. It’s up to you what kind of training you come up with for your partner. The BDSM community is very extensive, from discussion forums to public and private events, books, documentaries, you can draw inspiration here.
Sexual roles in BDSM relationships
Dominant, dominatrix (dominant partner, top) – the one who leads; superior
Submissive, subordinate (submissive, bottom) – the one who is led
Switch – the one who likes to change roles
Pervert – anyone who deviates even slightly from the normal roles defined by society (this term may/may not be used as an insult)
Vanilla – a person with a simple sex life
Pistachio – a person with BDSM tendencies
Dominance and submission
You have to learn both roles. You can also alternate them. In a BDSM game, you can be whoever you want. You enter a world where you learn that a slave can serve you. A woman can be your property, a pet. A man can be your student, whom you teach the art of love. You can be a dominatrix, just like the priestess in Atlantis who teaches bunnies. Anything. Dominance is expressed with firm expressions, a clear stance, strong words and tone of voice, clothing. Submission is expressed with nudity, clothing, silence, gratitude for pain, for example.
How do roles work in BDSM relationships?
They can change, but it is true that we only have one initial setting. Submissive or dominant. We always slip into this role more easily. However, the roles are often completely separate from the normal functioning of the relationship. It is like an escape from reality, into your ecstatic world full of orgasms, which the other person has in his hands like hot lava between your legs. He can torture you by delaying and approaching pleasure.
BDSM practices
Aftercare – follow-up care after the game
Gentle care after the event. It is important to reassure your love afterwards. That everything went well and to give both of you and your heightened emotions time to settle. Aftercare can take the form of hugging, making love to each other, falling asleep together – all of this will help to place the experience where it should be. Intimacy.
ATTENTION: The "emotional rush" of the experience can easily last hours or even days...
Bondage
Western style, shibari, kinbaku. Exotic and tempting techniques like shibari, kinbaku are tempting, but they belong in the hands of professionals.
Before tying, I recommend taking at least one seminar with an experienced teacher and always having scissors at hand! Never tie around your neck. Carefully choose the products you will work with - it is best to start with BDSM sets or bondage sets.
Spanking
A popular practice for its simplicity in the beginning of the game, when all you need is an object and your own hand. Gradually add spanking equipment to find what works for you.
I recommend trying each toy on yourself first. Whip, tubes, cane or ruler, each toy hurts differently and causes different bruises or contusions.
Choose from a wide range of products to try
Never hit yourself in the head, lower back, or abdomen.
Degradation (humiliation)
A pun that can both turn you on and hurt like hell. That's why preparation and communication are necessary here, too, explaining what is and what is not okay.
Is "dirty slut" too much, but "my slut" excites you beyond recognition? Tell them!
Role play
Doctor, patient and skin piercing? Policeman, criminal and handcuffs? Teacher, student and spanking? Or a real penis and testicle torture? Complete them with appropriate clothing and create a great atmosphere!
Even though a large part of the public still has no idea what BDSM actually is, they still condemn it and are outraged by it. BDSM is not an unhealthy perversion and it is not just about cutting someone. Start from the basics and if you and your partner like it, try BDSM toys that you will really enjoy.
Black Level Linda Vinyl Dress (Pink), vinyl dress
Liebe Seele Dark Secret Blindfold (Black), leather eye mask
TABOOM Essentials Wartenberg Wheel, spiked stimulation wheel
Metal cock cage with Sinner Gear lock
Easytoys Fetish Collection Leather Collar with leash
PVC sheet 200x230 cm - black
Asmona Basque Set (Black/Red), women's corset with bondage
TABOOM Bondage Rope 10 meter / 7 mm (Black)
Liebe Seele Dark Secret Ball gag (Black), silicone gag
Liebe Seele Dark Secret Handcuffs (Black), leather handcuffs
It is important to understand that it is more about a life attitude or style of sexual satisfaction for both partners, which is not right to condemn until you have tried it.
BDSM tools and toys
Masks, handcuffs, feathers… whips, scoldings… What a wonderful world! A mask over the eyes is a tried and tested first step, always well complemented by handcuffs or a Wartenberg wheel.
Whips, floggers, spankings
Thorough training, for example on a pillow, is a must. In general, synthetic materials or whips with multiple strands cause more burning pain. Leather ones are softer. The blows are rhythmically "sent" with the whip, it is not about mindless beating and everyone has to find the sensitivity in the hand for themselves. The rhythm is important, which also puts the slave into a trance.
Safety aspects when using toys
Use only quality tools and always pay attention to hygiene and safety. And feel free to choose the whole set so you can experiment from the beginning.
Safery rules and agreements
How to set rules and agreements before the game? There are general safety limits. Do not engage in BDSM if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Taboo is BDSM in anger, anger and anger are always just a pretend role there!
During physical humiliation, never hit yourself in the joints, spine, kidneys or face… In psychological humiliation, be careful of forbidden words, curses that are too much or touch on trauma (e.g. “fat guy when struggling with weight, asshole, if it was an address associated with real violence…”).
BDSM is very delicate if you are engaging in it with someone who has experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect. While some elements of BDSM (such as tantra) can be therapeutic, the act of crying out emotions and old, relived pain may provide relief to the body, but it is not therapy. In such cases, BDSM can deepen your relationship as much as it can re-traumatize it.
Using a safe word and checking limits
Fully immersed in the game, have escape words (or a finger gesture) available. The most commonly used is a traffic light. Red no, orange watch out, I don't know right now, green yes... Advanced players can be more colorful and make up specific words for a richer range of short messages: "Pause", "almost the limit, slow down", "mentally stop it, physically continue", "physically stop it, mentally continue". Useful rules include that the dominant partner should continuously ask about the status during the game: "do you like it, how is my slave?" which assures him of correctness, but also whips up expectations, emotions and increases hot excitement. Eventually, you may even end up with fisting.
The importance of consent and respect
Without consent and mutually agreed rules, BDSM practices cannot even be considered. It is a highly confidential activity, you work with maximum physical and emotional vulnerability. And mutual connection, consensuality (mutual felt consent) is the basis. The dominant partner must feel your pain intensely himself. The submissive partner must perceive full devotion to the one who completely controls him.
The importance of physical and emotional safety
Emotions in BDSM
BDSM is essentially a game with heightened emotions. It is ideally suited to people who have an M point of excitement (in the brain), i.e. they love imagination, pleasure, sharpening of the senses, they easily immerse themselves in a trance. Sexual excitement in the brain runs along similar paths as fear, which is why they go well together. You often experience not only a strong physical orgasm, but also an emotional, trembling whole-body, literally intoxicated with pleasure.
How to cope with possible physical and emotional pain?
Trance (state) is an ideal space for bdsm. Full concentration on bdsm torture, which is achieved, for example, by immobilization, rhythmic breathing or rhythmic slapping or whipping. All this will release both partners into the situation and into the game. In a trance, the production of endorphins increases, lowers the pain threshold, mixes it with pleasure. For safety, we have escape words and gestures... and it also applies that "screaming is not an escape word"... Sir, you can relax perfectly now!
You also know that if it doesn't say no, it's not a good idea to end the performance? During an ecstatic performance, all those cocktails of chemicals are released in the brain, and ending the session prematurely is like ending sex prematurely. Not much. But a safe ending that deepens the love is extremely important here. Feathers are suitable for both beginnings and ends.
Emotional dynamics between partners
Power, domination and submission, that is ultimately the dynamics of even ordinary sex – the result is an emotional experience. Extremely strong in BDSM. Silent, loud, but always very strong, when even old pain can surface in emotions, tears and screams, it pours out and you are relieved by the feeling of soft softness. And safety… it doesn't matter if you torture the penis or the woman's sensitive areas.
FAQ: questions and answers at the end
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Is a person with this type of sexuality dangerous?
Do not confuse BDSM games with violent abuse, this is far from the principle of BDSM sex. Intimate practices are voluntary based on consent. These practices also carry the risk of injury, so you have to be more gentle and attentive to yourself. -
The dangers of BDSM sex itself?
In addition to the aforementioned risk of injury, which you can mitigate by using all the tools safely, you can also expose yourself to emotional injury if you misjudge or fail to follow boundaries and escape words. This problem is solved by constant mutual communication and aftercare. The last risk may be the theoretical possibility that BDSM is such an intense technique that you will have problems achieving orgasm in regular sex later on.
BDSM games are a luxurious experience. To the very top and to the greatest depths at the same time. In yourself, in sensual experiences and in your relationship with your partner.
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